He’s gone…

He’s dead...

My blessed Apollo is gone, dead! Apollo was everything to me and now he's fucking gone...and never coming back… never…He was my first horse, best friend, my love, my companion, my heart, and my soul. He taught me everything I know about horses, about life, compassion, and was my inspiration to follow my dreams. He was everything to me! Those stupid Vets! They couldn’t save him, I couldn’t save him! I feel so guilty…there had to have been something I could have done… something. I tried my best, but it wasn’t enough and now he’s dead! We didn’t catch the EPM in time! If only I had done something sooner, maybe I could have saved him! He started to improve, get over the EPM but then all of a sudden it all went tumbling down! He could hardly stand… it was heartbreaking to see him struggling painfully just to move, using all his strength just to take a couple steps without falling. The vet said it was a miracle he hadn’t fallen yet and hurt himself… but just then he did… … …

He couldn’t get up… I was crying my heart out knowing there was nothing I could do… except hold him, grasp his mane and sweet loving face in my hands for the last time as the vet gave the injection. I will never see his sweet face again…He was so sweet-natured, loving, patient; daring, playful...He meant everything to me. He rejoiced with me when I was happy, and gave me his mane to cry in when I was sad. But now he’s not there for me to cry with when I need him the most…he can’t be… he’s fucking dead! We were supposed to grow old together… I was supposed to take him on to college… and hopefully one day put my children on his back. And when he was to old to ride… he would retire quietly to my pasture and fill his days with sunshine, endless grazing, and my never ending love and nurturing care for him… … … but not anymore… all those dreams are gone, cut short, dead. I buried him out in the pasture and placed and small cross to mark the last place were he lie… I will never forget him. At least he is no longer suffering. Even the other horses new the end was coming… they stayed by his side all day, not even leaving to eat… and when he was gone… they never made a sound. They never called out him for once like they normally would when I separated him from them.

I will never forget you Apollo, or stop loving you. You were the best horse any girl could dream of having and you made all my dreams come true. I so sorry I couldn’t save you, couldn’t be there for me when you needed me the most. I failed. I wasn’t even able to repay all the kindness, loving care you had given me all these years and now I can’t even see you loving face ever again…

My best friend is gone, and I will never hear his call for me in the morning again.

My God, my horse is dead...My baby is gone.